This kind of game is getting really tough to take. Granted, the Mets lineup was facing the ace of all aces in Johan Santana on Tuesday night, but this chronic anemia that this not-so-amazin offense is suffering from is making Met games tough to watch.

Remember the show Married with Children, where shoe salesman Al Bundy would come painstakingly close to happiness, only to be hit with a cold dose of reality by the end of the half hour? Well, watching Met losses this week has been like staying up late for an episode of Married with Children. You watch the show because you are rooting for Al to succeed, whether by winning a million dollar lawsuit or running away with Vanna White. In your heart of hearts, you know every episode ends the same, with an unhappy Bundy realizing that he is an aging man with a disfunctional family, yet the show was popular partially because we always rooted for Bundy to defy the odds nevertheless.

This is what Met losses have come to, one long inevitable, nine-inning demise. Anyone who has been following the Mets lately knows as soon as any opponent gets a multiple run lead, the game is over. Yet, like a train wreck, I couldn’t get myself to change the channel. It’s like one, long, painful, slow death, three out of five nights a week.

You see, when the Mets suffer, I suffer. Food doesn’t taste as good, it’s harder to get up for work in the morning, and seven o’clock Eastern time is just not as exciting as it was a month ago. A month ago, nothing could go, nothing could go wrong. The Mets bring up Sosa, and he quickly grabs six wins like they were pieces of candy on the ground that had just fallen out of a pinata. Shawn Green and Moises Alou get hurt, and the Mets plug in Endy Chavez, who can do no wrong in this town. The wounded Yankees limp into town, and the Mets stomp all over them for two days, laughing all the way. Even when things went wrong, adversity seemed to roll off the Mets backs like freshly shaven hair buzzed from their heads.

Now, 6 losing series later, line drives are falling into the oppositions gloves, and killing rallies. Every time a Met pitcher is in a big spot, it seems that the other team’s slugger comes up bigger, and belts a momentum changing homerun. The other team’s pitcher, no matter who he is, seems to always be ahead of counts, and we are regularly treated to dugout shots of gloves being thrown and more F-bombs than an Andrew Dice Clay standup. When did it reach this point?

It obvious the Mets are trying, and maybe too hard. Remember when all was going well, and every inning was like a coiled spring of unlimited run scoring potential? It didn’t matter where you were in the lineup, any Met could smash a tape-measure homer or two run double. Then you would take a glance into the Mets dugout, and whether or not the Amazins were up or behind, we’d see a jubilant dugout with Jose Reyes dancing or working on his secret homerun handshakes, Carlos Delgado smiling and chatting away, and even the occasional Pedro Martinez appearance. Sometime along the way, the dancing stopped, and the smiles faded.

I know tomorrow is an off day, and I know Willie Randolph has this thing about staying even-keeled and keeping everything routine, but I get the feeling things are just too tense in the Met clubhouse, and you can’t play winning baseball that way. So maybe Willie should use tomorrow to work on his dance moves, and march into the clubhouse Friday, boombox over the shoulder, and start that dance party up again. It will probably never happen, but maybe it should. When nothing else is working, it’s time to start thinking outside the box, a la Bobby Valentine and the fake mustache, post ejection routine. Hey, a little dancing couldn’t hurt, right? It worked for Emmit Smith…

Either way, something has to give. Atlanta and Philadelphia won’t keep losing forever, and even though we trust in Omar, you never know if the right trade will come along to put a jolt into this putridly woeful offense. I have a feeling the slump-buster lies within the current roster, but even if I’m wrong, at least I can go to sleep tonight knowing we won’t have to sit through another stale loss tomorrow.